The first time I was published in a magazine was amazing…for a very brief period of time.
I was so excited to be interviewed and when the copy came out, I couldn’t wait to show it to the world. I was so damn proud of myself that a magazine thought I was a cool enough female to be featured in their May women’s edition.
I was at my old workplace at the time and we used to receive this magazine monthly there.
When I finally got my hands on it, I showed it to the closest colleagues around me.
…and it was very surreal, I was met with “Oh that’s nice” and “Hmm okay.”
No one seemed to be particularly happy for me.
I did have one colleague though that did support my journey and he said very loudly “Bravo!”
I’m not going to lie, I was a little down from previous reactions but I did thank him for always supporting me.
Later in the day when I was at my desk, I overheard my bosses boss say, “Guys she’s your colleague, you should be proud of her.”
I have no idea what was said before that and honestly I’m glad I didn’t.
My bosses boss then took my article, cut it out of the magazine and TAPED IT onto the wall.
My bosses boss was parenting my colleagues.
It suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks, people want to see you do well, but not better than them.
It triggers insecurities galore.
My bosses boss came to congratulate me. I appreciated his gesture but was so down and a little in shock that he had to tape up my editorial. I could barely keep eye contact with him. Overly sensitive me was a little too hurt at this point.
At the end of the day on my way out of the office, I took it down.